When January rolls around, I typically get all doom and gloom because of the dreaded birthday this month. BUT this year I vowed to embrace my successes and own the fact that I am turning ...gulp.... T-H-I-R-T-Y F-I-V-E ... (sigh). Most years I dwell on the fact I am getting older and literally get depressed when the 20th rolls around, but this year, I decided that in all honesty I would much rather be where I am now than to be in my twenties again. My twenties were full of turmoil. I was newly married; I was living overseas; completely isolated from family and friends; feeling overwhelmed by the constant break ins in Naples; harboring hurt from my past; feeling insecure about relationships; dealing with my mom's cancer; etc etc. Why in the world would I not want to leave all of that behind me?
So my thirties are all about looking ahead, letting go of things in the past, getting excited about the future, and owning who I am. It's also about finding out how strong I really am; both physically and mentally. Physically I have proven that I can survive training for and completing a half marathon (no easy feat). So armed with that, I question: what more can I do? Duathlons have always been of interest to me(run, bike, run) so I think I will try training for my first one this year (October). My running friends here have also tapped into biking so it should be fun training with people I already know and will encourage me. We'll see how this works out. First things first: 1) the weather needs to warm up and 2) I need a bike!!!
Mentally I am challenged every day. Single parenting is not easy. These last three years have been tough, no doubt about it. Especially being isolated away from family. You can only pay for a sitter so many times in a week you know what I mean? And of course the constant roller coaster of let downs, false hopes and then let downs again. I have certainly learned to let go of control and just roll with the punches (another huge feat for me).
So knowing I can handle deployments and single parenting 90% of the time all the while helping my boys become productive, well adjusted, polite, intelligent little boys and also taking the time to do something for myself (like train and run a half marathon) leaves me feeling optimistic for the new year and what it has to offer. I don't care about the number I am turning this year. It's just a number.....in fact, it's more like a badge. I can look back and say "damn! look what I did before I was 35!!". The challenge now is: "what can I celebrate when I turn 40? What will be my big challenge this year?"
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!