Saturday, March 08, 2008

Today is NOT a good day

I'm just not even going to bother to fake it.

I'm always expected to be the happy one, cheerful one, brave one, strong one, independent one, positive one, fearless one, loyal one, dedicated one, hopeful one, and most importantly steadfast, patient and supportive, but there are days I just can't fake it anymore. I want to be that person, but today I just can't. Plain and simple.I found this poem online and it pretty much sums up what I struggle with EVERY day but can't talk fear of being looked at as weak, incompetent, depressed, unfocused, emotional, or quite simply the worst military wife ever.

I miss my husband. My kids miss their daddy. While I appreciate all the military has done for us and the opportunities it has given Scott, I hate what it is doing to my family right now.

The Silent Ranks

I wear no uniforms,
No blues or army greens.
But I am in the military
In the ranks rarely seen.

I have no rank upon my shoulders.
Salutes I do not give.
But the military world Is the place where I live.

I am not in the chain of command,
Orders I do not get.
But my husband is the one who does,
this I can forget.

I am not the ones who fires the weapon,
who puts my life on the line.
But my job is just as tough.
I am the one that is left behind.

My husband is a patriot,
A brave, a prideful man
And the call to serve his country,
Not all understand.

Behind the lines I see the things needed
to keep this country free.
My husband makes the sacrifice,
but so do our kids and me.

I love the man I married,
Soldiering is his life.
But I stand among the silent ranks
know as the Military Wife


Pooh said...

Some days are okay, some days just aren't. I'm SOOOOOO with you, sister. I think I actually have it easier than you, because although Karl's been gone for months now, at least we've all just gotten used to him being away. I think it would be much harder to have him popping in and out of our lives all the time. It would be a whole new adjustment every time. I think I'm going to try to call you...

Anonymous said...

There are no words. I am so sorry you are feeling the way you are, and unfortunately from many miles away there is nothing I can do. Try to keep your chin up. You do not have to explain yourself to anyone and maybe it would be better to talk with a friend who is going thru a similar situation. Always look at the end goal and not in the moment...... Luv....Mom

Sara Kilgore said...

I remember the days of in port, out to sea, in port w/duty, out to sea, etc. It wasn't easy, but of course today that life seems like forever ago. You have an amazing knack for surrounding yourself with friends who can support you and that will help. And your boys are awesome, all 3 of them! You're in our prayers.

Chi-townRawlins said...

Oh sis. That just plain sucks! If you EVER feel like just jumping in the car and making a trip here we would LOVE to have you any time, any day. I'm so sorry that life is like this right now...
love you!

Alyssa said...

I love you, Christy!! Don't ever feel like you let anybody down, or that you're not strong enough, or anything. Even on your worst days you do all you can for your boys, and that's all anybody can ask! We love you!!