Hello my three faithful readers! Thanks for hanging in there with me.
Sorry for the rant I made the other day. It's pretty self explanatory why I went off like that, but wanted to report in that now that the day has passed I'm feeling a little better.
I have this bad habit of focusing on my weaknesses and the negative stuff but do need to be reminded (thanks Chrysta, Jess and Cheryl) of the good from time to time. I honestly do know I'm blessed. I have a good life; great husband; awesome friends. But man there are days....that just make you feel so B-L-A-H......and dark.....and well you know. You feel very alone and bad...and just pouty. It was, however, therapeutic to get it off my chest/shoulders/mind and just blurt it all out there. That may be one of the reasons why I'm feeling much better about things.
Or it could be that I just did something pretty amazingly scary and walked away feeling pretty amazingly awesome! I was asked to speak at a Race Director's conference today; representing the Earlywine Dash (of course) but also speak on behalf of my experiences using social media (FB) as our marketing and promotions tool for our event. That is right up my alley right? SURE....if I don't have to speak in front of people it is!!! It is completely out of my comfort zone to go into a room, and command the situation and impart wisdom on people. I would much rather be the student, to be honest. But I was convinced it would be good for me; "character building" they called it, and good for the Dash to do this. So because neither of my Co-Race Directors had a FB account, I was pretty much "forced" to do it.
I made notes, did research, googled topics, in preparation of this presentation. I Youtubed tutorials on how to set up a page; created a power point presentation and made flash cards as references. You know.....big boy stuff. I'm a MOM....I don't do these things! This is FOREIGN territory for me. But with Scott's help and Kristina's counsel I was able to organize my thoughts on Power Point and voila....a slide show was made.
Rehearsals in front of Scott last night were horrendous. I tripped over my tongue. Could not get my thoughts out. Forgot what I wanted to say (even with my flash cards and power point slides in FRONT OF ME). It was a disaster. I went to sleep VERY nervous about the next day.
I "woke up" at 5am. I was tired of trying to sleep. I couldn't rest. I was so nervous about how inexperienced I was going to come off and how ineffective I would be. I went over my material a couple times and then just said "It will be, what it will be".....showered and then headed to the conference.
While sitting there and hearing all these "pro" Race Directors and super official people speak, I was now feeling COMPLETELY out of my element. I had NO BUSINESS being there. Oh boy...this was going to be a disaster.
When it was my turn I stood up and prepared my slide. I held my flash cards tight in my hand, (almost folded over they were that tightly rolled) and just talked......and talked.......and talked.....thoughts were coming so freely to me. Thoughts I hadn't written down or rehearsed. I was talking and talking and talking....and the nerves were gone. Then I looked at my watch....30 minutes had passed! WHew, it was time to wrap this up. I thanked everyone and opened it up to Q&A. Five people posed questions...and I actually knew the answers to it. Woo hoo, I was on a role...and I was in someone else's body.
As I was leaving (I had to be somewhere and was late already), a site director from signmeup.com who was there speaking as well, followed me out into the hallway and asked me to form my presentation into an article so she could PUBLISH IT ON SIGNMEUP.COM'S BLOG?
Holy cow! I am going to get paid for this? Really?
Then Don, the organizer of the event, asked me to come back next year?
I am more than a mom? Really? Have I finally found an identity outside these four walls? (four walls that I love, mind you)
Today was a good day. I needed a good day and to be honest, there are more good than bad days. I just had a moment........ And I think next year, I will focus more on the good and less on the bad, the eve of the 20th!