Today's topic is : a time when I thought about taking my own life.
Wow.
There has been a lot of discussion lately in the media about teenagers ending their lives because of bullying or because of their sexuality. From these inner conflicts developed a movement : "it will get better". Hollywood stars started a campaign of support as well as artists who wrote songs too. (Pink's "Perfect" comes to mind). Anyway, as an adult looking back on a time in my life when I had huge internal conflicts, I wish I had that support.
Instead I went through a time when I felt like the ENTIRE world was against me. It was the loneliest time in my life. All those close to me were no longer in my life, physically or emotionally. My high school "best friends" who were my freshman room mates, had teamed up with themselves and chose to not be apart of my life anymore. The summer we all returned home after our freshman year, I knew we'd never speak again. On top of that the love of my life joined the military and was leaving for boot camp at the end of the summer and my mom was diagnosed with cancer. It simply was the worst time of my life. School was out for summer and I could think about was ending my life.
I'm not sure why I didn't go through with it. It's all I could think about. I have never felt so alone on my life. That summer and that time in my life completely changed me forever and I can say looking back "things did get better".
1 comment:
Tough subject but I guess we are all learning that talking about suicide is part of preventing and dealing with it. I think the vast majority of people have low times like you've talked about where we feel completely alone and void of hope. It is sad that sometimes the people we trust and care about the most are the culprits that put us there. The challenge is working through those low times and finding strength in ourselves....and yes, definitely "things did get better". Just look at you now:)
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